Exciting Ads Present…

Hey, there! Do you often find yourself getting tired of living? Is life getting you down? Do you sometimes sit on your bed with her hands over your face and wonder how much more you can take before you crack? Do you wish for an end to those boring, boring days? If so, try our new product…

DEATH!

Death is an all-natural way of getting rid of your life! Moreover, there are so many deaths to choose from so the whole process will be a natural delight! Try decapitation! Try throwing yourself off a building! Try to bungee jump… without a string! Go parachuting without a parachute! See how long it takes for you to drown to death! So many ways, so much FUN!

Just look at what our customers have to say!

“We loved it so much that we just don’t feel like coming back!”

- The dinosaurs

“I was in a relationship with this bitch who JUST wouldn’t let me go! Death helped me gain back my freedom!”

- Celine Dion’s career

“It was just like working at Starbucks, except I wasn’t working at Starbucks. I was dead.”

- A disgruntled Starbucks employee

So if life is getting you down, give us a call! Death can be totally free and be extremely beneficial to your family as long as you get yourself some life insurance! It’s just like life, only without living!

Call 444-444-4444 today!

Ask your doctor if death is right for you.

Disclaimer: Death is a permanent solution to your problems and cannot be undone. If done wrong you may end up living your life as a vegetable, unable to think or do anything at all. We are not responsible for any mistake that might occur during the process of dying. Full refunds are available if the procedure does not succeed. Remember, kids, suicide is bad. Stop bitching about how bad life is and make something of your life.

~ by maggeh on September 24, 2008.