Sayings About Life

“Life is like a roller coaster. It goes up and down, up and down, up and down… and then it crashes and kills you before you can make anything of your life.”

A disgruntled Starbucks employee

“Life is like a cup of water.”

A cup of water

“Life is like a game. Without restarts, saving points, extra lives, power-ups and pauses. So, in that aspect, life isn’t like a game at all. Shit, I need to go play some Halo 3.”

A retard (or a Halo 3 player, but really, who can tell the difference?)

“Life sucks.”

Some due who failed at life (me, to be exact)

About

About what?

Old Age and Anchovies

Let it be known that I am not old, nor enjoy anchovies.

That being said, I must wish myself a happy birthday. Belated.

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday, to me.
I am now age twenty,
Holy fuck I’m o~old.

Then again, it’s not really much of a birthday if you spent most of it asleep. Indeed, I spent my birthday as I usually spend those super secret days. You know the ones.

On a side note, anchovies and tuna. As a German, I am inclined to say that I love anchovies.

But I am not German. I am Korean. Moreover, I am not sure if German people enjoy anchovies at all. This is nothing but blatant misconception coupled with dynamical guesswork.

A Philosophical Sitcom, of Sorts

So, this being the free time I have during classes in university, I have decided to introduce a new idea for a family sitcom, or perhaps a movie. You see, my Ancient Philosophy class is taught not by one, but two – that’s right, two – professors. One of them pointed out that he was conservative, anal-retentive and intimidating, while the other one was the opposite. The two of them exchanged witty banter throughout the class, much to the amusement of the class. And I thought, “Hey, why not use that to make a family-friendly sitcom?”

So, I unveil the ultimate plan of the ultimate philosophical movie, titled My Two Philosophy Professors and I, or something like that (cause a philosophy movie shouldn’t have a witty title). Imagine the fun we could have!

Catching Up.

So, I caught up on stuff. Like watching stuff, seeing as I hadn’t been watching television for the past week.

I laughed. Hard.

Salmon is good fried, but never good smoked.

Fuck you, grape juice. Orange juice, apple juice and banana milk kick your ass any day of the week. That’s right, ANY day of the week. Even that super secret day that almost no one knows about.

Donuts.

Today, I appear to talk about a very special subject. Donuts.

Just today, I had bought a crunchy donut, and gleefully took a bite out of said crunchy donut. It was not crunchy.

RAGE! This got me to thinking, what is a donut? A donut is round. A donut has a whole. A donut is a pastry. A donut is a dessert, yet it is a snack at the same time. When lined up against a variety of other pastries, such as the elusive danish, the arrogant croissant (then again, as a croissant, it has the right to be arrogant), the fearful waffle and so on, it stands out as the dude with the gaping hole in his stomach. Exactly how did he get such a deadly wound? Was it a scuffle with the tart? Or a scorned lover, like the quiche?

Donuts. Donut. Do nuts. Go nuts? To be a donut means to do nuts. Does this mean 1) you do a nut a sexual favor, 2) you do nutty (crazy) things, or 3) you do a crazy person? Certainly, those who eat donuts are crazy, and crazy people tend to do crazy things, like giving nuts sexual favors and doing other crazy people. But it is a horrible crime to simply discriminate against crazy people for being donuts, or eating donuts, or being what they eat.

If, for instance, a Chinese Pop Tart fought against a Vietnamese Pop Tart, what would the implications be? But there is no reason for the two to fight. They are pasty pastries. Pasty. That is a funny word.

I hope you have learned your lesson.

This has been your Maggeh’s Pastry Moment of the Month.

Staying Out

So, today, after receiving a sudden invitation to go to the movies at around 8:53, I rushed out to meet up with my friend so that I could watch Tropic Thunder (again) at 10:00. One wonders why said friend hadn’t bothered to call me like, a day before, instead of jumping out of the blue like some kind of army ambush. Turns out, he forgot. Bleh.

Either way, the awesomeness of Tropic Thunder outside, this has been the first time I’ve returned home past 12:00 AM. I’ve been home late before (around the 11:00 PM zone) but that can be blamed on my classes ending late and buses failing to arrive on time (I’m looking at you, VIVA). I’ve also been away from home at night, but those are spent playing games at a friend’s house, so technically, it’s a sleepover… kind of? It’s a weird feeling, really. Generally, when I come home, plenty of lights are still on (notably, the computer room and my sister’s room on the second floor) and I can simply use the garage opener and enter. Today? I simply rang the doorbell, which was answered by my mother in a nightgown. Or whatever those things are called.

Strange. Strange. Strange.

Ew.

So apparently using a phrase from a recent popular movie will actually bolster the blog views. Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew. This blog is supposed to have less than two views a day, and what happens? One Tropic Thunder quote in the title and I get up to thirty-something views.

I’m not having it, I tell you! I’m not having it at all. So from this day forth there shall be no more pop culture references, at least not until September, when school starts.

I’M A LEAD FARMER, MOTHERFUCKER!

Oh, hell fucking yes! Tropic Thunder is one of the most fucking awesome movies I’ve seen in a while. After watching the Dark Knight, an equally amazing (though in a different way) movie, I went to watch Tropic Thunder with my friends. And I must say, it was extremely amusing. Though those two words don’t do it justice. Maybe I should go with something along the lines of SUPER FANTASTIC FABULOUS EXTREME-TASTIC DELICIOUS MOTHERFUCKING GOOD SPECIAL AWESOME TRIPLE-DECKER CAMPBELL’S CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP AMAZING AWESOME. Yeah… that does describe it a bit better.

Filled with explosions, overdone drama (then again, the characters are actors; as Robert Downey Junior’s character says, “I’M A DUDE PLAYING A DUDE DISGUISED AS ANOTHER DUDE!”), expletives in hilarious situations and a water bison (buffalo?), Tropic Thunder takes the cake among all the movies I’ve watched this year. Then again, to be fair, I haven’t watched that many movies this year. Like… well… Oh, fuck. Dark Knight and Tropic Thunder were the only ones I watched. What the hell have I been doing with my life? So many movies I needed to watch, so little effort! And to think I planned to watch Forgetting Sarah Marshal (or something like that) along with Forgotten Kingdom (or whatever that movie was with Jackie Chan and Jet Li in it) and some other stuff. Then again, to be fair, it’s not my fault. I don’t know who’s fault it is, but it sure as hell ain’t mine.

Granted, there are some mildly disturbing things, scenes that make you cringe (generally courtesy of Jack Black’s character), but then again, what comedy movie doesn’t? Tropic Thunder is full of awesome dialogue, ranging from the aforementioned “I’m a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude!” to the “I’m a lead farmer, motherfucker!” that this post is titled after to “Suck my unit!” and so much more. Most of my favorite quotes come from Robert Downey Junior’s character, for some reason. He just has that awesomely awesome accent and voice.

Next week, it’s Hamlet 2! Whoo whoo!

A Computer-Savvy Individual

Have you ever stood – or sat, as I am prone to do sometimes – in the middle of the road and wondered what kind of people are vital in a family? Well, after struggling for two grueling days (that’s right, TWO long days) without my wireless, I have decided that the one person you always need in a family is a Computer-Savvy Individual, or a CSI.

… Huh. It becomes CSI, just like Crime Scene Investigators. And I didn’t even notice until I abbreviated it. o_O

Life is mysterious like that, I guess.

I mean, if you live in a family that often uses the Internet, you’re bound to have problems every once in a while. Maybe your computer shut down (or whatever the lingo is, I sure as hell don’t know) or is infested with pop-ups. Maybe your Internet isn’t working, or the disk drive keeps fucking up on you. Or maybe, just maybe, it starts to gain sentience and talks about killing and then replacing you with a mechanical counterpart. You know, the usual.

So, what do you do? CALL THE GHOSTBUSTERS! Find some way to fix it. Or, the more desirable approach, find someone to fix it. Because seriously, how are you to fix what you don’t understand? When your car breaks down, do you take it apart piece by piece and then try to put it back together? No, you just get in that car, drive into a building and file insurance… or something like that. Because there is no fucking way in hell that you can fix the damn thing. Cause that’s what technology does to you. It gets you hooked on it, and then it leaves you crying like a wussy bitch. But I ain’t no bitch. I took my lack of Internet like a man. By sulking and then begging my sister to get off the main computer so I could download the new episode of Code Geass R2.

Anyhow, I just recently managed to fix the bloody thing. And what shocked me was that it was so simple. So simple, in fact, that I still have no idea what the fuck I did to make it work again. I mean, seriously?

Long story short (too late), my family needs someone good with computers.

Longer story shorter, my family does not have someone good with computers.

Longest story shortest… I hate my family life.